Week 8 Reflection

I decided to do my reflection this week on the chapter reading, particularly chapter 13. This is the most relavent in my life right now that I can highly relate to. I found myself, at the age of 32, having to make a life altering decision. My Mom became very ill, the doctor called it terminally ill, and the relationship between my parents was also deteriorating. My parents and I decided that I would move in with my mom and my dad would move in where I was (I was living with two of my brothers helping to take care of my older brothers kids) and he would take over my role there. We all thought it would be temporary until either my mom got better or worse. That was back in October 2012. That month was really hard because I was working full-time, but was also my mom's caregiver. There was no question that I was going to do whatever it took to make it so my mom could get better. I sacrificed (I say that lightly) my social life to an extent and also my freedom. I was stressed to the max. I found it interesting in the reading that, in general, most caregivers of sick or aging parents are the women regardless of whether or not they are employed, mothers themselves and/or wives. Although I am not a mother or wife, I still felt the emotional and physical stress of a sick parent. With my parents not being together and fighting as much, my mother was able to recuperate, along with medical intervention. She is doing much better, stronger, able to care for herself now. As for me, I decided that I was going to go back to school. I would drop everything again if it came down to it because I believe that we should honor our mothers and fathers. She always took care of me (and still does) so I feel it is my duty to care for her.

Reflection post

I decided to do my reflection blog on the article, "Should You Stay Together for the Kids?" The author suggests that divorce does harm children contrary to the belief that a good divorce is better than a bad marriage. I agree that, not only is divorce hard on the adults because usually there is no such thing as a good divorce, it is far worse on the children because they don't know what to expect and they have no control over the situation. I have experienced a few of my close friends and family members who have gone through divorces in the last few years. As soon as the one of the parents move out, the kids start having trouble in school or start acting out in some way. I, at age 33, am now a child of divorce and I can tell you it still isn't easy to be caught in the middle when you are an adult, but at least I have the option to leave or not answer my phone if possible. I am also in a relationship with someone who has been divorced and has children. I think that saving a marriage should be a consideration, especially if there are children involved. I also think that children need to have good examples of healthy relationships so if there is constant fighting, it is going to scar them just as much as if their parents are divorced. These days, it is more common to meet friends whose parents are divorced more than married, so kids whose parents are married might feel left out. I know there are plenty of single parents out there that have been successful in taking care of their children or making a divorce situation work for their children without much interruption. My brother gained custody of his children after his divorce. He, not only has had to be both Mom and Dad, but also works 12 hrs a day and doesn't get any financial support from his ex-wife. He has done the best he can and luckily, he has a very supportive family who have helped him along the way. The kids are adjusting, but I feel like they will be scarred for a while and may have issues with their future relationships.

Week 6 Reflection-Fitting In

I chose to do my reflection blog on the Chapter 9 reading specifically regarding Identity and Self-Esteem. I relate my experience with my identity and self-esteem during my adolescence directly with the fact that my parents moved us 2500 miles away from where we had "grown-up". I was only 10 years old when we moved from Texas to Washington. It was in the middle of the school year, also. I was born in Texas and grew-up in a small town, but around many family and friends. I was very outgoing and was involved in gymnastics...I wanted to be Mary Lou Retton. I was popular in school and always received good grades. I was invited to all of the birthday parties and our family attended church on a regular basis. We also had a lot of family functions that we attended. I identified myself with my home state and my family at that time. When we moved half-way through my 4th grade school year, not only was I devistated and saddened to leave my family and friends, it also made me very nervous and anxious to start at a new school. I personally think that I lost most of my self-esteem when we moved because I became a "little fish in a big pond" and didn't know anyone. I got through it, of course, but it was tough. When we moved, my parents also worked nights, so I was left under the supervision of my older brothers. I feel I had to grow-up a little quicker than I needed too, but I also think this made me more independent. I wouldn't say I had a bad childhood. I think if it were different, had we stayed in Texas, I might've been more content or I might've felt like there was nothing there for me either. I am in my early 30's now. It took me quite a while to get over the hit to my self-esteem and identity.

Reflection-Parenting Styles

I chose to do my reflection on the Chapter 7 reading in regards to the parenting styles. I really enjoyed reading this chapter. It is important to know how different cultures and families choose to parent. I could've guessed that the Chinese cultures were more about having control of your emotions because it always is that way in the movies. Also, the Latin cultures are definitely more about the family as a whole. I have known quite a few Latin families and often times, they live together even after the children get married so they can help support each other.

As for me, I grew up with parents that were between Permissive and Univolved. This was mostly because we had a large family and both of my parents had to work 2 jobs just to make ends meet. We spent a lot of time, as kids, watching each other. I wouldn't say that my parents were uninvolved emotionally. They told us they loved us very much and showed us by their working so hard everyday. When I mean Uninvolved, I mean they didn't come to concerts or participate in school activities much as we got older. The permissive part was mostly because they weren't around and we all knew how to manipulate them into letting us do what we wanted because they didn't ask too many questions. I don't feel like any of us had little self-control. We all have good jobs and have become vital parts of society.